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The Prosecution: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?